Linkin Park~No More Sorrow

Linkin Park-No More Sorrow

Are you lost
In your lies
Do you tell yourself I don't realize

Your crusade's a disguise
Replace freedom with fear
You trade money for lives

I'm aware of what you've done

[Chorus:]
No more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced

I see pain
I see need
I see liars and thieves
Abuse power with greed

I had hope
I believed
But I'm beginning to think that I've been deceived

You will pay for what you've done

[Chorus]

Thieves and hypocrites
Thieves and hypocrites
Thieves and hypocrites

[Chorus x2]

Your time has come to be replaced
Your time has come to be erased 

Lost and Confused

Just when I start getting used to something, start to get over it...it creeps back up and haunts me. It gets thrown in my face. It crushes me. Makes me question every thought and possible form of logic I've had lately. I tried to tell myself it didn't matter, that it was all for the best. Yet, it still haunts me. It's still there. And it still hurts. It takes me from being confident in myself to completely in pieces. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm continuously losing and I can't do anything to stop it. I've become a crazy mess. I feel as if things are too far out of my control right now...and I don't know when I'll regain control...

I Hate This Feeling

I hate the skip in my heart, the undying steady fall of tears, the feeling of losing control. I hate not knowing what is going to happen or how it is all going to go. I hate feeling like I can't do anything, can't fix everything. I hate the stress that overwhelms me and keeps me awake. I hate the fleeting thoughts that split my mind. I hate the lack of focus, the surplus of thoughts. I hate feeling like my heart has just suck to the bottom, weighed down with leaden stress. I hate knowing I'm losing something I once cherished. I hate wondering if I was fooled all along. I hate feeling like I'm losing my mind, losing my sanity, losing my happiness. I hate feeling alone when I'm surrounded. I hate being so guarded, yet being so readable. I hate feeling like I'm hiding, like I have to hide. I hate wondering, not knowing, hurting, feeling too much. I hate being scared, always being scared. I hate being fooled. I hate the lies life shoves down my throat. I hate the lies I tell just to make people think I'm okay. I hate the hidden tears, the fake smiles. I hate this pain, this undeniable pain, this heart-wrenching pain, this...pain.

Midnight Talks

Rain and Windshield wipers. Lights and Passer-byes. Late nights talks wherever you are. It doesn't matter who says what. It doesn't matter the circumstance. What matters is knowing you're there each other. Friendship is a meaningful bond, never to be underestimated. The stories we tell, the secrets we keep. Even the fights and disagreements. It's worth it all. I couldn't be me without those who care for me. Those willing to give up some of there time to just sit with me, run around in the brisk wind while I attempt to take pictures of something they don't even fully understand. I try not to ask for too much, or much of anything for that matter. But each and everything you do for me, is cherished even if it isn't obvious. These are the moments I live for, the ones where I know I am cherished...

No Home

The earth shakes. 

Rattling through me like a hurricane. 

The rain pours. 

Drowning me in its tears. 

Lightning strikes. 

Tearing through my heart. 

Ripping it like it was never there. 

The earth calms. 

Showing the damage it possesses. 

I look down. 

My mangled heart beating raggedly. 

I beg it, just one more beat. 

Just enough time to get me home. 

Get me to the place of solace. 

My eyes look with such sadness. 

And emptiness. 

There is no such place. 

My lips tell me so. 

There is not home for the broken soul.

Darkened Tears

I suck at love. I make all the wrong moves. Fall down all the wrong paths. I found that there is such a thing as loving too much. This is what I do. I love someone with all that I have then I fail somehow and they get to take it all away. And then all I’m left with are the tears and the darkness. I’m a winner at losing. And yet, even with everything, somehow I still want to love. I know how it’s going to end. The same way it always has. Empty dark and depressing. Yet I’m still doing it. Still putting myself in the way of love's daggers. And I haven’t been able to dodge a single one. Each and every time I’ve been pierced right through. Yet I’m a hopeless romantic. Emphasis on the hopeless...

I'm Not Ready For The Past...

I haven't thought about you in a while. I made it this way. I've kept myself busy to the point of not being able to take more than a minute to let you cross my mind. I'm still busy. There is plenty I should and could be doing right now. But instead, somehow, you made your way into my mind and I can't dislodge you...I don't like this. I'm supposed to be able to hold my head high and say I'm not hurting anymore. I'm supposed to be over you. But the truth is, I know I'm not. No matter how much I try to hide it, no matter how many times I tell myself, I'm just simply not over you. And it's killing me...because right now all I want is to say I'm over you and have it be true. Not because I actually want to be over you or anything. But simply because I don't want to keep telling myself things that makes it seem like its true when it isn't. I just want to be able to say I am fine and have it be true. Because the truth right now is that I am mostly fine. But it's that little part of me that misses you so utterly much. It's that little part of me that is bringing down the rest of me. I forced it all into this little corner of my heart just so that maybe, just maybe I wouldn't feel it as much. But it's still there. And it wants to take over again. But I can't let it. Because I can't have what I want right now. And what I want is for you to be back in my life. You made my life better. No matter what the truth is, I will always remember that the "you" that I knew made my life so much better than it had been in a while. The "you" I knew made me believe in true love, in a love that I can have. I believed that someone could truly love me for who I was and show me that they do. That was the "you" that I knew. And the "you" that I miss. That's the "you" I want back. The "you" I need...I miss you. I can't ever take back the way I've felt. I'll always feel this way. And no matter whether that "you" is real or not...it's the "you" that saved me from the "me" that tore me apart. "You" opened my eyes to who I really am. And now, I just keep seeing who I really am. I was buried underneath everything, scared to do anything for myself. Scared to be me. But "you" always encouraged me. "You" always loved me for me. "You" weren't afraid...and you made me less afraid.

Lens of Discovery

Art speaks to me. Not in a way that I can easily explain either. All forms of art do. Photography, words, paintings, music. Anything created from the heart. Maybe this is why it is such a strong connection for me. Because art is not just something we can throw together. Art requires heart and emotion. It requires feeling something. Anything. It's an expression of ourselves. Whether it is our own personal art or someone else's. If we can relate, then it is a part of us. I see myself being attracted to the things not always expected. Nature is always beautiful and I love to capture it. But there is something in breaking it apart and finding what people don't always notice. Seeing what makes it what it is. I think I relate so well because I have a tendency to break everything apart. I break people down and see what makes them who they are. I do this with art, nature, and myself as well. Each and every photo of mine that I feel a connection to is a piece of myself that I have broken down. All day, art has been on my mind. This need to create and develop. Break down and make. I feel myself changing. Maybe not even really changing, but developing into who I really am. The me I've always been meant to be. Through art, I can do anything, I can be anything. Above all, I can be me.

A friend once told me i was a silent cry for help. We both laughed when she said it...but we both also knew she was right...

Beyond...

Sometimes we have to look deeper than just what we see. Sometimes it takes removing the color from life, everything we know and take for granted, just to see the truth that lies beneath. Sometimes it takes more than we're willing to give just to get what we need most...the truth...
Sometimes it takes us through so much pain and we just don't understand why. We can question everything. Pulling it apart and tearing it to pieces until we just can't do anymore. But eventually we have to face the facts that it's just not explainable. Everything happens for a reason. I've stood by this my entire life. I don't even know how. All I know is that I believe it with everything. What else can I put my faith in? I know there is an eternal purpose for everything and everyone so why doubt? Why even let myself begin to believe that I can allow myself to question things beyond my control. Trust me. I've wanted to question. And I have. But I always come to the same conclusion. That things are out of my control. But not in a chaotic way. But in a planned sort of way. That it will all work out. 
Trust me, this isn't easy, believing this. But it's how it is. There are so many things in my past that make me wonder. I wish that they had of gone different ways. But at the same time I don't wish for anything to change. I don't regret. I don't have time to regret. Time keeps going. I can't make it stop. I can't make it go backwards either. All I can do is just keep going along with it...