Wednesday, October 6, 2010
A Piece For Me??
Sometimes I just want to scream about how unfair it all is. How I can work so hard towards something and get nothing in return yet I can actually see results being handed to people all around me. It physically hurts to hear about others' easy success for things I have worked for and never received. I try to keep a happy smile, yet, it is so hard to do when reality keeps slapping me in the face. I have worked so hard to get to where I am. Yet, I have no break. It's just a facade laying over more work that I have to do. Sure, I've made it to college, and I'm still doing good here. Yet, each day that passes is another day in further debt that I fall. I am working two campus jobs(with the possibility of four places total) yet, that money is not seen by me. It seems to fall into some sort of black hole. There are so many things I wish to do, dream of doing, yet cannot simply because I do not have the money. Yet, I see others around me who are able to just rip out the check with ease. They get to take the journeys that I wish I could go on more than anything. They get to live the dreams that I think about constantly. They get the opportunities I can only wish for. It is more than just losing out on some of these big opportunities. It is just day-to-day life. When I do good at something, I can't take the time to celebrate because I have to begin working towards the next thing or I just can't afford to celebrate. Like I said, there are other things in this area. Things that I dream of that do not even involve money. Things I want so dearly. Yet I am never given the chance. I see people with what I want all around me. I also see so many people throwing it all away carelessly, yet if I were given the chance, I would take it graciously and I wouldn't take advantage of it. I know it is not wise to complain about what I do not have. Yet, in the world I live, reality strikes all around me. The things I dream and pray for are being wisked off to others. I hope that one day it will all pay off. I keep that hope in me. But right now...it is simply unfair.
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I know exactly what you mean and while I was at college I felt similarly. But, remember this is a small chunk in your life. And something that helped me was that I went to college to learn things and set myself up for the future, not to get recognition for what I did, not for a paper or a certificate that proves I was there, but to get something from it, something I can use for the rest of my life. And yeah, it might suck now, but those hopes and dreams you have will carry you to places those other people--the ones you describe--don't have the tenacity/dedication to get to. If you can do this college thing, you are capable of incredible things made that much more incredible by what you had to overcome to get there.
ReplyDeleteI do not know you, but I empathize, and wish you well. It gets better. So chin up Michelle, you can do it. And while it might not mean much, I believe in you.
I don't know if you'll see this comment but thank you. That really does help and makes me feel better. That is what I am trying to keep my attention on, the fact that it will pay off eventually in the future. Thank you. It does mean a lot :)
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