We both say "why cant i have love like that". Yet the difference is, you can easy have it. And im still stuck here in dreamland.

Crumbling Control

Control. Some people love it. Some people hate it. Some people can't live without it. For those, they'll do anything to keep it. When they don't have it, they spin out of control. It's like the slightest loss of control can send a control-freak into a control-less downward spiral. They begin to pick fights with anyone and everyone. They have to have the upper-hand, even if it's all for the wrong reasons and will soon crumble out from under them. It's another one of those vicious cycles.

Constrained.

Twenty. That's how old I'll be in 18 days. Junior. That's what I am in college. COLLEGE. Not High School. Not Junior High. But College. I'm moving out on my own in at least a month. I've taken care of myself. I've taken care of others. Yet, I am still treated like I am a good-for-nothing horrible little child. Yet, I am not. I have always listened to and respected elders and done what I am told. Yet, even when I do, I still get trampled on. Oh it doesn't matter how good I do something. For some reason, she still holds these invisible reigns over my head and restricts me in what I can do. Then she wonders why I don't want to do anything extra or anything for her to begin with. So many people ask me why I put up with it. Or why I don't just say or do something about it. Because I literally cannot afford to be put out on my butt. And I know that that is exactly what she would do if I even began to say anything back. For something so simple as asking her "why?" would get me thrown out. In a world where the saying "It's not fair" is cliche, this saying fits absolutely perfectly. I can't find other words. I can't find better words. My anger clouds the way for clear words that express how I feel right now.