Block or Clog?

I took the first step today. I made a phone call. Now I just have to make another phone call. And then actually go. Maybe, just maybe I can finally get all of this under control. Over the years, I've managed to bat away depression. I've managed to push it away. Yet, even when I thought it was gone, it was still lingering. It was looming over me. Waiting until that moment of weakness so it could come sweeping in on me. And it's done it once again. Sadly, this time I have medicine for it. I have the means to go and find solutions to beat it. Yet it's the one demon that lives inside me. I don't want it here. Yet, it's been a part of me for so long. It used to be just a visitor. Now, it's ingrained in me. I don't know if it can ever go anywhere. Some days, I'm scared of it leaving forever. It's the one constant. In a way, it's my release. It gives me a reason to just cry. To just lay in bed and sleep. To just not be anything for a day. I've always believed that sad emotions are easier to portray then happy ones. I already feel like I've lost a big part of me. I feel as though I've lost my way with words. I feel as though nothing flows anymore. Not even a trickle most days. What will I do when the day comes that the brick wall is completely erected. Where will I turn when I've lost my very last word. Will something replace it? Or will I be left with the shadows of once felt like my safety net. Yet, I can't live in the shadows. I can't rely on my excuses. It terrifies the hell out of me. But, maybe, just maybe, there will be something to fill the sadness that took over. Just maybe...maybe there is hope for happiness. Maybe it's not a block at all but maybe it's just a clog. Maybe there is so much waiting to come out of me that it got stuck and then it got lost, got tired of fighting for life. Maybe finally talking will bring my words back to me.