Life...Not As We Know It...

How can we ever get used to losing something we once always knew. It's simply too crazy how we can know something so well, always have it there by our side, then bam. One day it's just gone. I can never get used to that. It's been seven or eight years since I lost my grandpa and I'm still not used to him being gone. I still wait to see him. I still think that maybe, just maybe, he's going to be sitting there on his deck chair, drinking a beer and watching the birds. But he's not. And it's sad. It's hard. And I'll never get used to him being gone. It's the same for old high school classmates that either never got to graduate or see much of life beyond high school. I feel like I'm going to walk into my high school reunion and there they are. They'll be standing there among everyone else. But they won't be. And I'm not used to that. I can't accept that. My grandmother's funeral is tomorrow morning. I'm not going to be there. I have too many obligations that I couldn't get out of. It's sad. I just know that tomorrow morning is going to hit everyone, including me. It's going to...suck. There is no other way to put it. Life just...its so unexpected. There are so many curves and unexpected turns. No one ever gets used to it. Once one thing gets comfortable, something new gets thrown in. We never know what is going to happen. It's terrifying. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. I want to live life to the fullest. I never want to miss a beat because if I miss one beat, I could miss my entire life. Death scares me beyond belief. I just want my life to be worth my death in the end...