Methods of Motivation

Where does motivation come from? It comes from many places. Sometimes, motivation can come from places of pure unhappiness. It's a need for change, a need for something better or something more in life.

A Piece For Me??

Sometimes I just want to scream about how unfair it all is. How I can work so hard towards something and get nothing in return yet I can actually see results being handed to people all around me. It physically hurts to hear about others' easy success for things I have worked for and never received. I try to keep a happy smile, yet, it is so hard to do when reality keeps slapping me in the face. I have worked so hard to get to where I am. Yet, I have no break. It's just a facade laying over more work that I have to do. Sure, I've made it to college, and I'm still doing good here. Yet, each day that passes is another day in further debt that I fall. I am working two campus jobs(with the possibility of four places total) yet, that money is not seen by me. It seems to fall into some sort of black hole. There are so many things I wish to do, dream of doing, yet cannot simply because I do not have the money. Yet, I see others around me who are able to just rip out the check with ease. They get to take the journeys that I wish I could go on more than anything. They get to live the dreams that I think about constantly. They get the opportunities I can only wish for. It is more than just losing out on some of these big opportunities. It is just day-to-day life. When I do good at something, I can't take the time to celebrate because I have to begin working towards the next thing or I just can't afford to celebrate. Like I said, there are other things in this area. Things that I dream of that do not even involve money. Things I want so dearly. Yet I am never given the chance. I see people with what I want all around me. I also see so many people throwing it all away carelessly, yet if I were given the chance, I would take it graciously and I wouldn't take advantage of it. I know it is not wise to complain about what I do not have. Yet, in the world I live, reality strikes all around me. The things I dream and pray for are being wisked off to others. I hope that one day it will all pay off. I keep that hope in me. But right now...it is simply unfair.

Years of Change

Catching up with old childhood friends is an old experience. It is so interesting to see how two people who used to be nearly inseparable can be so different only a matter of ten years later. I see this with several friends I used to know so well. Now, we're on completely different paths, hundreds of miles apart. Sometimes I wonder if we would still be those great of friends if I hadn't moved. I just wonder how it all would have been, how different would we each be. From who we are now, or from who each other are...

In Between

Sometimes, I can't wait until I actually get out into the real world. Full time job. Place of my own. My own food to cook and eat. Working on my own time schedule instead of someone else's. It's a great feeling knowing I'm working towards that. Yet, I'm still stuck here, waiting until that day. But is it really so bad to wait until then? To just take it day by day and take what I have now and appreciate it? Not. It's exactly how I should think of it. Sure, it's going to be great when I have my own "life" to live. Yet, right now, I've just got to live with what I have.

How can you ever judge how someone feels about their life? How can you know whether they are happy or sad? Tears and smiles can be deceiving

Dreaming Thoughts

Thoughts are never meant to be analyzed or over justified. Thoughts are just meant to be. They have meaning behind them. There is real meaning to them. But they nearly never occur in a perfect pattern. It's when we begin thinking about them that we go in depth. We just have to be careful not to look at them too deeply. Dreams play into this. We have dreams all the time. We don't always remember them and even less often do we understand them. Lately, I've been having a wide array of dreams. They certainly don't all make sense. Some are just really odd. (These dreams are some of the reason that some people think I may have anxiety issues.) Yet last night, I had one that I really don't know what to think of it. I want it to come true to a degree. Yet, not in the sense that it was last night. Also, I'm not sure exactly what this dreams mean. I always believe there is a reason we have our dreams. There is some sort of meaning behind them. No, not always some huge symbolic meaning. But just something, some reasoning behind them. The mind doesn't shut off. Even once we've drifted off into sleep, our subconscious is still thinking away. I know that I have thought some about the subject I dreamed about but it still really caught me by surprise. I believe what got me most was how I felt. My emotions throughout. I was happy. Usually, whenever I do think about this subject, I get scared. Scared for different reasons and it doesn't take over completely how I feel. The fear is only a small part but it is always there when I consciously think about it. Yet, last night, there was only one emotion. Happiness. I was happy. It just caught me by surprise.

Escape.

Some days(wait, correction, most days) I can't help but think about how much I wish I had my own car. And not just because I want one. But because I have found so many instances where I have needed one. Like today. If I had my own car, I'd just get in it and be gone. I'd leave for a couple hours and only come back for work tonight. But no. Instead, I have to rely and wait on someone else to hopefully be either willing to take me somewhere or have to go there themselves. I don't rely on others well. In fact, I can't rely on others. It upsets me. I just want the ability to escape on my own and not have to worry about anyone else.

It's interesting...

It's interesting to hear other people's point of view. It's interesting to see how they react to the same exact thing. How something so personal for both sides can be construed into something completely opposite for both. It's hard to take ourselves out of our own vision of things and to try to see it another person's way. Yet, sometimes, by even stepping out of our own shoes, we can find that maybe things were meant to be seen from the way we have always seen it. It's interesting...

Let's Hope I Don't Walk Away Alone

I just watched Love On The Side. Now, this movie may come off as a bit odd but the story line is great. Now, I'm not saying I would love for this exact thing to happen to me but it did get me thinking a few things. One thing I thought was "I'm going to leave when you decide you finally want me". Now, this isn't saying I'm going to walk away when someone finally wants me, it's saying that it seems like the turn of events could happen that way. I'm not planning on staying in one place. What if by some magical chance, someone decides they want to be with me after my bags have already been packed? And especially if this is someone I want as well. Honestly, I can only hope that maybe they wouldn't be willing to give me up so easily. I can honestly only hope I'm not willing to give up my dream either...

Life...Not As We Know It...

How can we ever get used to losing something we once always knew. It's simply too crazy how we can know something so well, always have it there by our side, then bam. One day it's just gone. I can never get used to that. It's been seven or eight years since I lost my grandpa and I'm still not used to him being gone. I still wait to see him. I still think that maybe, just maybe, he's going to be sitting there on his deck chair, drinking a beer and watching the birds. But he's not. And it's sad. It's hard. And I'll never get used to him being gone. It's the same for old high school classmates that either never got to graduate or see much of life beyond high school. I feel like I'm going to walk into my high school reunion and there they are. They'll be standing there among everyone else. But they won't be. And I'm not used to that. I can't accept that. My grandmother's funeral is tomorrow morning. I'm not going to be there. I have too many obligations that I couldn't get out of. It's sad. I just know that tomorrow morning is going to hit everyone, including me. It's going to...suck. There is no other way to put it. Life just...its so unexpected. There are so many curves and unexpected turns. No one ever gets used to it. Once one thing gets comfortable, something new gets thrown in. We never know what is going to happen. It's terrifying. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. I want to live life to the fullest. I never want to miss a beat because if I miss one beat, I could miss my entire life. Death scares me beyond belief. I just want my life to be worth my death in the end...