Insight of Who We Were...

It’s always a weird feeling, looking into the past…it’s almost as if I’m looking into someone else’s life. I remember all of this. (Well most of it.) I remember the feelings I had when I was writing those words, line after line. I remember wondering what my life would be like, years from then. I dreamt about my future(I still do). And it’s really weird to look back on it and remember those dreams and ponders. I mean, some of those dreams were about my life where I stand right now. Sure, I didn’t know which college I would be in(I know part of me wanted as far away as possible). But, it is still so…weird(only word that fits!) that some of those dreams I had did come true(like keeping in touch with some friends while going off and making new ones and making myself) while others just didn’t come through(like keeping all of my friends and some other dreams of course). But no matter what dreams came true and what dreams didn’t, I still find myself re-reading those lines and diving back into who I was all those years ago…

We spend so much of our life and time just trying to look forward. Trying to get ahead, even trying to get away from the past. We spend so much of our time trying to “find ourselves”. But the truth is, just looking at who you’ve been all these years is who you really are. There is no “finding ourselves.” We already are. We don’t need books or other people to tell us who we are. Music may be helpful in figuring some things out but it doesn’t tell us who we are or who we’ll be. It just helps us to understand better. Sure, we can relate to others and to the characters we see on television and movies. But that isn’t who we are. The past is the only true revealer of who we are. Not necessarily because of what happened or who we knew. But because all along, that has been us living our own life. It hasn’t been some stranger or alien put in our body from outerspace. It has been us, the same exact person from the beginning. So, no matter how much we change or try to get away from our past, that is and will always be who we are. We can’t run from it. We can’t hide it(well maybe to others but not from ourselves). Each moment that passes is also a part of who we are. What I wrote in the beginning of this is part of the past. And yet, it is still a part of who I am. I’m not running anymore from what has happened. I’m not denying the past. Sure, I’m still not willing to embrace it head on, but I’m also not going to run from the truth.