To Call Oneself A Friend, How?

I’m not sure where to start. Maybe with the fact that I knew from the beginning you would be the one to break my heart. I knew you were the only one who had ever had the power to. I just didn’t know that when the time came, you would actually be gentle about it. And I still didn’t know it would hurt this bad for this long. I knew you’d find someone better. I always knew I wouldn’t be good enough. And now it’s confirmed. It’s obvious you want her over me. Part of me doesn’t understand. I’m willing to let it all pass. She isn’t. She’s not willing to let a “nothing” go. But it’s her you want. Not me. Her. And it honestly doesn’t surprise me. I mean I always knew I would be the one to lose. So why does it still hurt so bad. You’re still in my life. Just as a friend though. That’s all you’ll ever be. I’ll never get to tell you how I still love you. I’ll never get to hear you say that again. I’ll never get to look at you the way I’ve always wanted to. And I’ll never get that look back. It’s not just that you want her…it’s that you don’t want me anymore. I don’t even know if you ever did. I believe what you’ve told me. You swear you’ve never lied to me. And I believe you…I just can’t trust anyone right now. So, it’s all twisted. I don’t know if I should believe you but I know that that is what I want. I want to trust you, I want to continue to believe you. And I know that no matter what, I don’t want to lose you. Not even as a friend. I’ve known that I always wanted you in my life, one way or another. Sometimes, it doesn’t really hurt that much. Then suddenly, all I want to do it cry. All I want to do is be able to tell you all that I feel. But “friends” don’t feel the way I feel. Right now, I just want to find a way to get over you. To just be able to let all of this go. To move on, like I need to. I need to just be able to let you go the way that I know you. Teach myself how to know you as just a friend. But right now, I can’t.  Right now, everything reminds me of you. Nearly every song on the radio has some sort of lyric that reminds me of you. (The Fray, then Kelly Clarkson) “I want you to move on so I’m already gone.” There’s more from this song that reminds me but it’s almost as if this line is one you’re wanting to say me. You’ve already moved on. You’re already gone from that part of my life so now it’s just time for me to move on. Eventually I will, I know I will. Just like I know that everything happens for a reason. And I’m the understanding one anyway. You’ve always told me that. And I do understand. Just probably not in the way that you think I do. I understand that I’m not meant to have you in my life the way I want to. I understand that life goes on. I understand that everything happens for a reason and that I just have to live with it.