Built Barriers

I've always been the type to want to build walls around myself. Not only to hide but also to try and see who would notice and, well, try to get through. But through building these walls, I've become somewhat shut down. And honestly, that's how I've wanted it. So, that is not my thought. I am not wanting to just knock everything down and welcome people in. It scares me way too much. I have many reasons behind this.
But, I've noticed lately that through building these walls, it has made it harder for me to help those like me. Now, I love helping people. I really do. But when it comes to the things that really hit home, the things the are buried deep behind these barriers, it makes it harder for me to help others. It hurts me. I feel like I'm not doing all that I should to help those who I want to. But I also can't just open myself up. It's not like I have deep, terrible, to the grave secrets. Well, okay, yes I do have some. But it's also mostly just things I'd rather not open up. I am a private person by nature. Sometimes I need someone to vent to. But I can't just disperse everything. Or even much. So, I say this all with thinking that no matter how much I want to help someone, I can't always give all the help I need/want to because that involves giving a piece of me. Something I can't do easily. I've already given too many pieces of myself away to people I care about simply because I care about them. It scares me to give away anything, open up anything. The fact that I have(no matter what it is) scares me even more. I've always loved the fact of having those friends I can tell things to. And sure, I've told my closest friends many "secrets". Just not the thoughts I hold most. I can't...