I Hate This Feeling

I hate the skip in my heart, the undying steady fall of tears, the feeling of losing control. I hate not knowing what is going to happen or how it is all going to go. I hate feeling like I can't do anything, can't fix everything. I hate the stress that overwhelms me and keeps me awake. I hate the fleeting thoughts that split my mind. I hate the lack of focus, the surplus of thoughts. I hate feeling like my heart has just suck to the bottom, weighed down with leaden stress. I hate knowing I'm losing something I once cherished. I hate wondering if I was fooled all along. I hate feeling like I'm losing my mind, losing my sanity, losing my happiness. I hate feeling alone when I'm surrounded. I hate being so guarded, yet being so readable. I hate feeling like I'm hiding, like I have to hide. I hate wondering, not knowing, hurting, feeling too much. I hate being scared, always being scared. I hate being fooled. I hate the lies life shoves down my throat. I hate the lies I tell just to make people think I'm okay. I hate the hidden tears, the fake smiles. I hate this pain, this undeniable pain, this heart-wrenching pain, this...pain.